The True Foundation of Your Marriage(Advice Column) by Deborah Horack

Have you ever looked over in bed at your spouse and think to yourself “who is this person laying here beside me?” If you are at all like me I am almost sure that thought has crossed your mind. What happened to the person you thought you knew. Are  the trials in your marriage causing a lot of anxiety, is there unresolved anger, hurt, or are you just lonely and wish things could be like they use too. They can, but , it will take all the faith you can build up and also a lot of devotion. Devotion is a lifetime investment you need to have for your mate, no matter what. Weather they are cranky, overworked, or just plain clueless, that is when your devotion will be put to the test.

Real devotion is dependable and it comes from God. Are you devoted to your spouse, and can they depend on you for that devotion for better or worse. Are you able to make this life long commitment? I had to build this trait up in myself and I am still working on it. God has to show me about devotion every day. God himself has taught me about devotion, and I know it is a lifetime commitment that He has promised me. He does not or will not turn me away. God understands every mood I am in. He forgives me when I mess up and always welcomes me with open arms. This is the kind of devotion I want to show my husband.

 Many marriages end in divorce, we here of this almost daily. “Why”, I had to ask myself. Were they not devoted enough, did they have God in their marriage, or were they just tired of trying.  Were they tired of the fighting? Could they not seem to find the forgiveness they once gave so freely.  This I feel is when God truly comes in the picture. Let God be your foundation, the one who is in the middle holding both your hands. Unity in marriage can be hard to achieve. The bible verse in Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

 Joyce Meyer (who I watch faithfully) puts it best, “It is the becoming one that is hard.” Sometimes it can be difficult to turn the other cheek and forgive. But as it says in Matthew 18:22 Jesus answered, ”I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”  I would pray, but in my opinion I had very good reasons why I could not forgive him. Why I would choose to stay mad and not be free from anger was beyond me. I was actually only hurting myself, and it was not solving anything.  But over the years God has showed me how I can become free. I would be reminded by so many bible verses about Gods forgiveness towards us. How can I expect forgiveness when I cannot forgive my own husband? One day I just leaned on God for strength and I made a choice “I will forgive him.”  God is the only one who will work with my husband. I do not or will not ever have that much power. My husband is not my project, he is Gods son and God will do as He sees fit. So I have learned over the years to put my trust in God. If I need defending or rescued, I am confident God will deliver. He also delivers when it is I that needs to be disciplined. The little voice inside always has something very big to say “Forgive and let me handle this my way.”

 The hardest thing I had to do was give my husband to God. Especially if I was not seeing any change. But I had to believe God did have my best interest at heart and mainly my marriage. When you are hurting, it is very hard to say the right thing. Willing to forgive your husband or wife and knowing there is a good chance you can get hurt again is very hard. It brings me to the passage in Hosea 3:2-3. “Go show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man & is an adulteress, Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, even though they turn to other Gods.” It is so hard to imagine that Hosea would even want to take her back. Time and time again he listened to God and he took is wife back over and over. The trust Hosea   had in God was far stronger than the trust he would ever have in Gomer. Hosea taught us first hand about the forgiveness God has for us his people. God used Hosea because He was willing. So let God use you to show his love for your spouse. If we choose to put our spouse before our self what a welcoming change will effect your marriage. A couples loving attitude and forgiving attitude toward each other will build a strong intimacy as you both put God first in your marriage.

 Each spouse has their own part in fulfilling Gods plan for your marriage. You each do what you can and God will do the rest. You have to ask yourself a very tuff question “ I am willing to let God change me? don’t ask God to change your mate. Let that be Gods battle.  Put all your confidence and trust in God and let him heal your marriage. God will never ask more of you than what He already knows you can handle.